ELRON AWARDS 1990 — 1999

VCON 18 ELRONS (1990)

Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

1) – Least Promising Old Author Award: Isaac Asimov.

2) – Least Promising Dead Author Award: Lafayette Ronald Hubbard, for interminable Mission of Earth Drek-ology novel series. Runner-up: Philip K. Dick.

3) – Shatter Our Dreams Award: President George Bush, for appointing Vice-President Dan Quale in charge of NASA Committee.

4) – Senator Joe McCarthy Commie Dupe Award: to liberal critics who believed the Russian’s claim they had never tried to beat the yanks to the Moon.

5) – Education is no Guarantee of Intelligence Award: to the entire world scientific community for ignoring Mr. Science. Presented to Mr. Science himself to hold in trust.

6) – Singlehandedly Attempting to Revive the Western Movie Genre Award: to William Shatner, for his direction of the movie Star Trek V ‘Planet of the Singing Cowboys’.

7) – Special Brass Bra Elron for Best Feminist Gor Movie: Outlaws of Gor, John Norman (11).


VCON 19/WESTERCON 44 (1991)

Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

1) – Captain Hook Elron (For Most Outrageous Garden Tool Allegory): Edward Scissorhands.

2) – Post-Humorous Elron (For Worst Novel by a Dead Author): Jaquelin Susann for Yargo.

3) – Which Reality? Elron (For Perturbing International Relations): Ray Bradbury, (for accepting invitation to fly to Moscow to meet Gorbachev.

4) – This Reality! Award (For Ruining SF with Science): NASA.

5) – Nuking a Gnat Award (For Risking Interplanetary War): Time Magazine (for article on Scientology).

6) – Where’s The Action? Award: Dino De Lauentis for turning down Cronenburg script for ‘Total Recall’.

7) – Ego is No Problem Award (For Sublime Self-Effacement): Piers Anthony.

8) – White BCSFAzine Elron (For Most Original Plagiarism): Darryl Huber (for innovative blank BCSFAzine cover).

9) – Queen of Mars Elron (For Most Pretentious Literary Antecedent): John Norman (12), author of the Gor novels.

10) – Commie Dupe Award (For Operation Sun Devil): United States Secret Service.


VCON 19.5 ELRONS (1992)

Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

1) – Almost But Not Quite Award: H.G. Wells (for description of atomic bomb in 1914 novel The World Set Free).

2) – Blinding Originality Award: Jules Verne (for naming his fictional submarine in 1989 after the ‘Nautilus’, a submarine built in france in 1800 by Robert Fulton).

3) – Worst Flm Award: Highlander II (chosen by audience vote).

4) – Worst Novel Award: Tek Wars, by William Shatner (chosen by audience vote).

5) – Worst TV Show Award: Studs (Chosen by Audience vote).

6) – Special Gorescrew Elron: John Norman (13), for speaking out against censorship “with all the fervor, bravado and conviction of the editor of SCREW magazine.”


VCON 20 ELRONS (1993)

Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

1) – The Special ‘Least Outstanding Contribution to Fandom’ Elron Award: Mike Bailey, founder of the Elron Awards.

2) – The Special ‘Drowning In Metaphor’ Elron Award: ‘Aliens 3’ film.

3) – The Special ‘Most Self-Indulgent You Need to Lighten-Up!’ Elron Award: William Burroughs & David Cronenburg for the film ‘Naked Lunch’.

4) – The Special ‘Biggest Disappointment of the Year – Make Lovecraft Grit His Teeth in the Grave’ Elron Award: to the makers of the film ‘Cthulhu Mansion.’

5) – The Special ‘Most Incredibly Subtle Typecasting of the Year’ Elron Award: to the makers of the ‘Wildpalms’ miniseries for casting William Gibson as William Gibson, presented to William Gibson to hold in trust.

6) – The Special ‘Courage of our Convictions’ Elron Award: Nickleodeon for censoring ‘Ren & Stimpy’ episodes created by Carbunkle Cartoons. Presented to Bob Jaques of Carbunkle.

7) – The Special ‘All Time Winner of the Most Elrons and Deservedly So’ Elron Award: John Norman (14), author of the Gor series of novels.





Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

1) – The Special ‘Retrospective Special Sleepwalking Director of the Year’ Elron Award: to Spielberg for his Jurassic Park.

2) – The Special  ‘Disservice to Humanity for Bringing the Ancient Culture in Disrepute Concept back into Pop-Culture Awareness’ Elron Award: The makers of the film ‘Stargate.’

3) – The Special ‘Best Effort to Revive Sectarian Religious Warfare in Western Civilization’ Elron Award: Glen Proechel and Dr. Lawrence Schoen for arguing how best to translate the Bible into Klingon.

4) – The Special ‘Missing the Boat’ Elron Award: to French publisher Jules H. Hetzel for refusing to publish Jules Verne’s first SF Novel ‘Paris in the Twentieth Century’, thus diverting Verne into writing mostly adventures with mild SF elements.

5) – The Special ‘Enough is Enough Already’ Elron Award: To Bantram Spectra, for annoying exploitation of fandom’s credulity by publishing a book written entirely by Mike McQuay under the title ‘Arthur C. Clarke’s Richter Ten.’

6) – The Special ‘Sympathy of Gor’ Elron Award: John Norman (15), for being unable to find a publisher willing to reissue his Gor series novels.


VCON SUBSTITUTE: EV CON (1995) – No Awards given.


VCON 21 ELRONS (1996)

 Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

 1) – Runner up: Xena Warrior Princess for reintroducing Brass Bra into fannish consciousness.

1) – To the Actual winner: the Special ‘Ensuring Mars Loses’ Elron Award: Kim Stanley Robinson, Author of Red Mars series, for fitting in with theme of VCON 21 “Mars Loses” in predicting the successful human colonization of Mars.

2) – The Special  ‘Always Make Life a Living Hell for your Successor’ Elron Award: Gerald Boyko, former Archivist of the BCSFA Archives.

3) – The Special ‘Naked Sand Castle’ Elron Award, in recognition of his two decades of effort to surround BCSFAns with nude people, thus continually reminding us of what fandom is all about’ Elron Award: Steve Forty, Former editor of BCSFAzine and permanent VCON Ambassador.

4) – The Special ‘Frank Skinner Memorial’ Elron Award, for elevating puns to the level of Zen Buddhist koans: Spider Robinson AND Frank Skinner.

5) – The Special ‘Infinitely, Perpetually and Verbosely Laconic’  Elron Award for reintroducing, injecting, nay thrusting, some even say inflicting to the extant of elevating in an almost uplifting and uprising manner – contrary to falling or descending – to the point of implying opposing motion in a positive tone both terse and aggressive, the writings of R. Lionel Fanthorpe back into fannish consciousness (and I mean that in a bad, evil, hideously malignant, not to say unhappy way): Debbie Cross of Wriggly Books.

6) – The Special ‘R. Lionel Fanthorpe with an Attitude’ Elron Award: John Norman (16) for writing yet another Gor novel despite not being able to find a publisher willing to publish his works.

7) – The Special “Blowing your Chance to Edit BCSFAzine as if Entertaining, Intriguing and Enlightening Millions of Readers World-wide is Somehow More important’ Elron Award: William ‘Bill’ Gibson, Fan Guest of Honour at VCON 21.


VCON 22 ELRONS (1997)

Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

1) – The Special ‘Digitally-Enhanced Bank Account’ Elron Award for reissuing an altered (not necessarily improved) version of the Star Wars Trilogy: George Lucas.

2) – The Special ‘Applewhite Applesauce’ Elron Award for taking the science out of science fiction and turning it into mush: Marshall Herfe Applewhite, author of Saucer Down.

3) – The special ‘I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream But They Won’t Let Me’ Elron Award: Newsweek Magazine for censoring Harlan Ellison’s comments on religion and the Jonestown massacre.

4) – The Special ‘Anticlimax of a Lifetime’ Elron Award: to CTV evening news for their misleading commercial intro “When we come back, scientists discover life on Mars” only to disappointingly reveal two minutes later the evidence was either fossilized microbes or miniature flakes of mud.

5) – The Special ‘I Told You So, Damn It’ Elron Award: NASA scientists for not listening to local fan Sidney Trim’s warnings that cutting costs and redesigning space hardware to save money ends up costing more money and making space travel more dangerous. Given to Sidney Trim to hold in trust.

6) – The Special ‘Without Me There’d Be No Elrons’ Elron Award: John Norman (17), whose real ‘Gor Project’ is not the fruitless search to find a publisher, but rather the urgent necessity of justifying more Elron Awards.


VCON 23 ELRONS (1998)

Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

1) – The Special ‘For Having the Brass to Commit Self-Plagiarism in so Gloriously and Magnificently a Brazen Manner’ Brass Elron Award: Arthur C. Clark. (Unfortunately the quote in question is not quoted in the Elron records.)

2) – The Special ‘Mostly New Age Pop-Cult-Crap Why Not Try Actual Science Fiction?’ Elron Award:Space The Imagination’ TV channel.

3) – The Special ‘Restoring The Sacred Tradition Of Brass Bras albeit by Demonstrating the True and Uplifting Value of Merging with the Borg’ Steel Elron Award: The unknown (because unresearched) cosume designer whose brilliantly practical design caused Jeri Ryan to pass out from heat prostration.

4) – The Special ‘Virtual Reality Sucks’ Fake Metal Elron Award: Hori Productions of Japan, for creating DK-96 (Kyoke Date), teenage pop idol with hit song ‘Love Communication’, frequent guest on talk shows, and recipient of floods of fan mail despite being an artificial electronic construct.

5) – The Special ‘Cop who Tried to Cop a Feel in Ignorance of the Tensile Strength of Copper Piping’ Copper Elron Award: The off duty Police Officer attending Disclave Convention  in Washington D.C. who suspended a willing (bound) sex partner from an overhead fire sprinkler which tore loose and flooded the room.

6)      The Special ‘Daring to introduce R. Lionel Fanthorpe (Worst SF Writer Ever) to John Norman (Worst Sword and Sorcery Fantasy Writer Ever) and Thus Risk the Hideous Possibility of a Staggeringly Bad Collaborative Effort’ Blood Black Elron Award: Steve Forty, former Editor of BCSFAzine, and also to Fanthorpe and John Norman (18) for resisting the temptation to merge their talent.


VCON 24 ELRONS (1999)

Presented by R. Graeme Cameron

1) – The Special ‘Speaking of Corrosive Froth’  Elron Award: Dean Koontz for his bad writing, “Lazer cannon spewing corrosive froth…” being but one example, in his recent novel Star Quest.

2) – The Special ‘Worst Lumbering Attempt to Follow in the Footsteps of William Shatner and his Tek War Series’ Elron Award: Jonathan Frakes for his novel The Abductors: Conspiracy, co-written with Dean Wesley Smith.

3) – The Special ‘Where is Ranger Smith When You Need Him?’ Elron Award: Yogi Hudson, Regional Manager of Starwood Hotels, for refusing to host a proposed 2002 Seattle Worldcon despite the intervention of the Mayor of Seattle.

4) – The Special ‘Ed Wood Jr. Critic’s Choice’ Elron Award: R. Graeme Cameron, for preferring Nude on the Moon to Citizen Kane, for preferring Barn of the Blood Llama to The Seven Samurai, and for fourteen years of inflicting reviews of similar bad films on the readers of BCSFAzine.

5) – The Special ‘I Really Am the Emperor!’ Elron Award: George Lucas, for including a 1-800 phone number in the closing credits of the ‘I Dream of Eye Candy’ Star Wars reissue for audience members to complain if their theatre exhibited poor projection and sound quality issues.

6) – The Special ‘Straight Shooter’ Elron Award: President Bill Clinton, for arranging the ultimate SF conspiracy by having oral sex in the Oval Office in order to gain public sympathy and support (for living  an ultimate male fantasy) sufficient to force Speaker Newt Gingrich out of office, thus freeing Newt to write a sequel to his alternate history novel.

7) – The Special ‘Let Me be the Slave of the Earth’ Elron Award (in the form of an alien figure, obviously being whipped, bent over an Elron painted to resemble our planet): John Norman (19), for striking a deal with porn publisher Richad Kasak to reissue the Gor novels via direct mail order.